BMW Needs to Stop (X5 M Spy Shots)



“Performance SUVs” and “Sport SUVs” (sport sport utility vehicle, that’s brilliant)  are like male nipples. They exist, but they don’t serve any real purpose. They’re slower than sports cars, like a VW Rabbit, handle worse than sports cars, like a VW Rabbit, are less luxurious than luxury cars, like a VW Rabbit, the average person wouldn’t dare off road with one, like a VW Rabbit, are less efficient than compact cars, unlike a VW Rabbit, and they are as expensive as sports or luxury cars, unlike a VW Rabbit. I say that if you want a slow, poor handling, un-luxurious, car with alot of cargo space, buy a Volkswagen and a used Lotus Elise with the leftover money. You will have much, much more fun. My rant is over, and the article is after the jump.


Unfortunately, BMW’s M division and I apparently don’t see eye to eye, and as such, we are faced with an M branded SUV atrocity.  Normally cars which bear the famous M badge are lighter than their counterparts, feature tuned engines, and have refined aerodynamics. Even though the latter two criteria are most likely true with the X5 M, taking a couple of pounds off of that thing would be like asking Pavarotti to drop ten pounds. It’s just kind of goofy.


However, from the video, this actually looks fun to drive. It took the corners as well as could be expected for a car of that size and suspension height, which has been lowered significantly, and the new 4.4l V8 should push the car to 60 mph in less than five seconds and all the way up to an electronically limited 155 mph. That’s fast. That’s really fast. Pavarotti must have a six-pack. Efficiency upgrades are also being added, such as stop/start brake regeneration, which should also help the car out on the practicality front.

Surely M isn’t done messing around with it yet, as it still just looks like an X5. It’s probably got a sporty looking aerodynamics kit waiting to be attached, and some other shiny chome bits to make it stand out.

So hang up on the VW salesman right now, because this actually looks like a good all round car, although I doubt that swirly bumper paint will be an option.