Volkswagen, Audi’s parent company, cranks out a rocking diesel. These new-fangled oil slingers are clean, quiet, and they make oodles of torquey goodness. On a new VW diesel you can put a white snot rag over the tailpipe and the lack of sooty effluence with astound you. Of course that technology has oozed over to the Audi side of the house. The new Audi A3 and Q7 diesels are just as clean, though arguably prettier and better equipped. They are everything the modern efficient luxury ride should be.

This is not that car. Welcome back to How Hard Can It Be?

The Audi 5000 diesel was introduced to the North American market in 1980. The 67 horsepower normally aspirated version would lose a drag race to a one-legged drunk child riding a bicycle with flat tires. At the end of the production run in 1983, Audi added a turbocharger. The 84 horsepower was now enough to beat the one legged kid. However, if the kid had two legs all bets were off. Either way, the fuel economy would probably not equal the seller’s claims of 6.7L/100km in town and 4.7L/100km on the open road.

This fine example, for sale in sunny North Dakota, does not run. The diesel injection pump was rebuilt and the fuel injectors were checked (“Look! There they are!”). The seller states the fuel line is clogged and he doesn’t have time to deal with it.

Let’s be clear here: The seller went to the trouble of having the pump rebuilt, which is no small undertaking in both time and money. He had someone check out the injectors which probably involved removing them. At the end of those arduous chores, he now decides he doesn’t have time to run a new fuel line.

Maybe he can’t deal because the car is sitting in the soggy grass next to a hive of killer bees. Maybe he has seen the light and has bought something more reliable, like a Renault Fuego. Maybe because after donating a ton of money to the college fund of the kid whose dad is the only guy in the Western Hemisphere who rebuilds Audi diesel injection pumps this hooptie still won’t fire up and he threw himself on the hive.

1983 was the last year we saw an Audi 5000 diesel. Wonder why that is?

[ Craigslist ]